"You have to live with yourself. Who are you at the end of the day?"
The car ride to Salon 592, borderline between battling tunnel vision and wiping tears away, as I silently cried to "Comfortable" by Victor Ray. Spiraling thoughts of my childhood, what society has become & the overall state of my mind, came crashing together like a storm. Forgetting how to breathe, I let out a sigh as I took my exit, finally getting off the highway and headed into the town of Shrewsbury.
"No One's coming" - workin' moms (Netflix show)
chidhood upbringing
Most of my childhood was navigating through my parent's trauma being projected onto me. I couldn't self-explore nor was it socially acceptable to stray away from current standards for "females."
Who was i?
I spent the better part of my 30 years of living, treading on this zone of safety. Growing up within the outskirts of Boston, possessed great challenges on finding acceptance for the weird, whilst battling a never-ending war with parents who demanded peace at any cost.
Blank canvas
Self-acceptance, self-love, & self-motivation were all vital things not being taught since birth. I would often look in the mirror and see an alien form standing, not a human being with an identity or soul.
Massachusetts wouldn't be, without Boston
In 2021, I moved to a town that is classified as suburban-rural with residents considering themselves as Liberal's. From the mix of athletic wear, to a pizza shop or booze spot at every other block, and the gloomy faces that passed by with their American flags securely attached to their trucks; I knew I was doomed to this continuous cycle of navigating through OTHER people's bullshit judgement, unregulated emotional well-being, and their boiling need to stare. Oh, do they stare... This was no longer Boston. This was what Massachusetts does not want you to see.
F**K This
I reached a breaking point where I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without wanting to ask, "Who are you?"? I had found myself reminiscing teenage times where I took a razor to my hair and gave myself a mullet. Yet, the crippling feeling of my mother laughing at me came like a gong.
embracing radical change
I went off to Pinterest and continuously saw photos of beautiful people with shaved sides & intricate haircuts. Something inside of me stirred and I took off to Reddit to inform myself on what to expect with shaving your head. Reddit is good, when you filter out the projections that people spew online. There was more emotional stances, on when it came to people describing their experience with such haircuts. Instead of enticing and encouraging, it was a lot of fearing for the future & the hardships of the constant maintenance. I changed gears, shifted to the more masculine audience; where I found less "why, I did not do it long term" and more of how to do it yourself with a certain type of hair, tips & tricks with wet/dry hair, & overall good vibes. So, off to shave my head.
SALON 592 & JOCELYN HARDY
When I had arrived to Salon 592, I was greeted by the sound of laughter, good conversation, friendly staff and an energy that felt like I could relax. The hustle & bustle of the space reassured me that this was the spot to be. When my stylist, Jocelyn Hardy came, I knew I could leave the decision making & thought process to them. Not a sound of judgement passed, and the encouragement for this change stirred something in me that I haven't felt before; excitement.
WE are the reason we stop ourselves from change
Embracing my masculinity is breaking down the walls & chains from stereotypes that do run rampant throughout my home state. It is time to learn that change is inevitable & a tool in life to navigating self-discovery. That it is MORE exhausting to stay within the line than it is to go after what makes you feel truly at peace.
As the final result began to flourish, the smile began to creep on my face, a single thought came through, Hello, me. Both Jocelyn and I were thrilled beyond measure. From the fluid conversations, to the tips & tricks on maintaining and even learning on how I could self-style, I knew that I could finally stand a little straighter and look at that mirror as long as I'd like; knowing home is within my soul and I am finally coming home.
